Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
