What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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