I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
