I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
