Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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