I just made out with a guy for $7.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
