remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
