ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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