i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
