i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
