i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You made out with two different species that night
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
