There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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