grandma shit on top of the toilet
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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