The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
