that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
