Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
