Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
