i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Enjoy the penises
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
