I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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