mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Randomize
