last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
