I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
