Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
