Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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