He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
