You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
