; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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