the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
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matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
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I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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