I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
