I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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