All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
