She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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