We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
