he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
party gras won. party gras always wins.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
