This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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