I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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