just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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