She went from zero to smokin in five shots
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
