i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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