At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
