New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
