Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
