"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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