The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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