i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
