Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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