So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
