it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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