That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
only you would photoshop your dick
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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