I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
