The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
