I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
