I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
