I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
