Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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