I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
