My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
