Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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