dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
