Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
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