i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Randomize
