It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
