I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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