D3 body, D1 cock
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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