so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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