That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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