She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
