rhymes with "ouble enetration"
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
